Things We Want to Forget
“Dr. Pym?”
The coroner’s voice shook him from his five minute vacation. Yes, Hank was lost somewhere else, and right now, he’d give anything to be alone, and anywhere but here. This place reeked of death, and it made his skin crawl.
“Dr. Pym, I need you to identify Maria’s body, if you can. Look, I know this process is difficult, even though I can’t speak from my own experience…”
The coroner trailed off as he took in Hank’s expression. He knew there weren’t any words that would bring comfort to the scientist. Not now. Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly puts a hand on the man’s shoulder.
“Hank, listen, Maria…she didn’t die in vain; if it’s any consolation.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Hank could barely feel the man’s hand on his shoulder, hell, he couldn’t feel anything. Opening his eyes, he slowly moves to the gurney, and peels back the blue sheet, averting his eyes immediately. It was his Maria, alright, but he could barely recognize her. Immediately he could feel his eyes sting, and his body became tense with anger. No tears came, not yet. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to break down in this place. Hearing the anguished, sorrowful cries of the others around him as they identified their own loved ones, was making it more than difficult for him to keep it together. He took one last look at Maria, and then reverently covered her face with the sheet again. What he really wanted to do was pick her up in his arms and hold her, regardless of her current state. This is the last time he’ll ever see her.
“Did she suffer?” He asked quietly, not even looking up from the sheet which was draped over his wife’s body.
“The marks on her body indicate there was severe internal and external trauma to her; most of them showing evidence occurring—“
“…Please. I don’t want to know. Thank you.”
Turning his back on the scene, Hank exited the room quietly. He made it as far as the waiting room, and then quickly made a detour to the bathrooms; looking at himself in the mirror, his face twisted in anger and sadness. Punching his fist in the mirror, he screamed. “Why!? Maria…why…” His hand was bleeding, but he didn’t care. It didn’t even hurt.
Sinking to the floor, his vision now blurred with his tears, he thinks back to the last time he saw her as he cries bitterly.
“You don’t need to go. There are plenty of other people who could do this, more qualified people.”
“Hank, what are you saying? That I’m not qualified? Thanks."
“No! No, that’s not what I’m saying—I’m just saying it’s dangerous. We’ve been at war in with Iraq for how long now? And it doesn’t look like it’s getting any better, or safer, no matter what the media wants us to believe.”
“You don’t think I know that? There are people who need help, Hank. People, who are sick, dying, imprisoned for no reason—I need to be there.”
“But you’re only one person, Maria. You really think you’re going to ‘save the world’?”
“I’m only one person, Hank, but I know I can make a difference. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be alone, okay? There’s a group of us going over there. Safety in numbers, right?”
“Yeah, right.”
This was the conversation he had before he saw Maria off, before his kissed her goodbye. She was so beautiful, and so full of hope, she really did believe she could help save the world, even if she was only one person. That was Maria; she always saw the good and the potential in people, always wanting to help others, and always putting herself last. Hank loved her sweet naiveté, but where she was going, he wasn’t too sure that her optimism would pay off. He would have gone with her, but that was impossible. He was already behind on some project deadlines, and he was more than sure he would see her again.
“Hank, I’ll be fine. Really, please don’t worry. I’ll contact you when I get there, alright?”
He kissed her one last time, holding her close as he buried his face in her hair.
“Just, be safe, okay? I want you to come home in one piece.”
“Hey, if I don’t make it, you know I’ll haunt you forever.” She laughed softly, trying to make light of the situation.
“Maria, I love you.”
“I love you too, Hank. I’ll see you soon.”
He reluctantly let her go as he watched her board the plane at the military base; she was smiling excitedly with the other volunteers, and as he watched the plane climb into the sky, little did he know that would be the last time he would ever see her alive.
A few weeks had passed since Maria’s departure, and Hank had been in contact with her a couple times, however, those had been few and far in between. But, he was relieved to know she was safe, until he received news of a raid conducted by some insurgents resulting in the imprisonment of a team of volunteers. And the area in question was exactly where Maria was stationed.
The days that followed crawled on like years as Hank waited for any sign or confirmation that his wife was alive. Then, finally he heard some news. His phone rang, displaying an unknown number, and immediately Hank’s mouth went dry. Answering, he tried to keep his voice steady. The conversation that followed was what he had been dreading for days. A search and rescue team had been deployed, and rescued any surviving members of Maria’s team from the insurgents who had invaded and held them hostage. Among the survivors were the dead; their bodies displayed as trophies for all to see. The mental imagery alone made him sick to his stomach.
Hank was instructed to arrive at the military base he had last seen Maria fly out of. There, he had a meeting with the base’s coroner in the private meeting room, where he was informed told Maria was one of the victims; she put her own life and safety in harm’s way to protect the others, defying those who challenged her.
And this is where he is now. On the bathroom floor, weeping for his wife whose life had been taken in cold blood, while the blood from his hand was pooling on the floor. At first he wanted to find those responsible and give them a taste of their own medicine; make them pay for what they did. But, he was only one man against many, and anger and vengeance is what Maria had tried so hard to fight against. This is not what she would have wanted. Maria was a humanitarian, she wanted to help others in need, but it took her life; a sacrifice that was deemed necessary to be made. Hank pondered this a little further, and he came to one conclusion; he would continue his work in the same spirit that Maria led her life, but he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let others close to him become a casualty. He would make sure of that.
The coroner’s voice shook him from his five minute vacation. Yes, Hank was lost somewhere else, and right now, he’d give anything to be alone, and anywhere but here. This place reeked of death, and it made his skin crawl.
“Dr. Pym, I need you to identify Maria’s body, if you can. Look, I know this process is difficult, even though I can’t speak from my own experience…”
The coroner trailed off as he took in Hank’s expression. He knew there weren’t any words that would bring comfort to the scientist. Not now. Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly puts a hand on the man’s shoulder.
“Hank, listen, Maria…she didn’t die in vain; if it’s any consolation.”
Closing his eyes for a moment, Hank could barely feel the man’s hand on his shoulder, hell, he couldn’t feel anything. Opening his eyes, he slowly moves to the gurney, and peels back the blue sheet, averting his eyes immediately. It was his Maria, alright, but he could barely recognize her. Immediately he could feel his eyes sting, and his body became tense with anger. No tears came, not yet. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to break down in this place. Hearing the anguished, sorrowful cries of the others around him as they identified their own loved ones, was making it more than difficult for him to keep it together. He took one last look at Maria, and then reverently covered her face with the sheet again. What he really wanted to do was pick her up in his arms and hold her, regardless of her current state. This is the last time he’ll ever see her.
“Did she suffer?” He asked quietly, not even looking up from the sheet which was draped over his wife’s body.
“The marks on her body indicate there was severe internal and external trauma to her; most of them showing evidence occurring—“
“…Please. I don’t want to know. Thank you.”
Turning his back on the scene, Hank exited the room quietly. He made it as far as the waiting room, and then quickly made a detour to the bathrooms; looking at himself in the mirror, his face twisted in anger and sadness. Punching his fist in the mirror, he screamed. “Why!? Maria…why…” His hand was bleeding, but he didn’t care. It didn’t even hurt.
Sinking to the floor, his vision now blurred with his tears, he thinks back to the last time he saw her as he cries bitterly.
“You don’t need to go. There are plenty of other people who could do this, more qualified people.”
“Hank, what are you saying? That I’m not qualified? Thanks."
“No! No, that’s not what I’m saying—I’m just saying it’s dangerous. We’ve been at war in with Iraq for how long now? And it doesn’t look like it’s getting any better, or safer, no matter what the media wants us to believe.”
“You don’t think I know that? There are people who need help, Hank. People, who are sick, dying, imprisoned for no reason—I need to be there.”
“But you’re only one person, Maria. You really think you’re going to ‘save the world’?”
“I’m only one person, Hank, but I know I can make a difference. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be alone, okay? There’s a group of us going over there. Safety in numbers, right?”
“Yeah, right.”
This was the conversation he had before he saw Maria off, before his kissed her goodbye. She was so beautiful, and so full of hope, she really did believe she could help save the world, even if she was only one person. That was Maria; she always saw the good and the potential in people, always wanting to help others, and always putting herself last. Hank loved her sweet naiveté, but where she was going, he wasn’t too sure that her optimism would pay off. He would have gone with her, but that was impossible. He was already behind on some project deadlines, and he was more than sure he would see her again.
“Hank, I’ll be fine. Really, please don’t worry. I’ll contact you when I get there, alright?”
He kissed her one last time, holding her close as he buried his face in her hair.
“Just, be safe, okay? I want you to come home in one piece.”
“Hey, if I don’t make it, you know I’ll haunt you forever.” She laughed softly, trying to make light of the situation.
“Maria, I love you.”
“I love you too, Hank. I’ll see you soon.”
He reluctantly let her go as he watched her board the plane at the military base; she was smiling excitedly with the other volunteers, and as he watched the plane climb into the sky, little did he know that would be the last time he would ever see her alive.
A few weeks had passed since Maria’s departure, and Hank had been in contact with her a couple times, however, those had been few and far in between. But, he was relieved to know she was safe, until he received news of a raid conducted by some insurgents resulting in the imprisonment of a team of volunteers. And the area in question was exactly where Maria was stationed.
The days that followed crawled on like years as Hank waited for any sign or confirmation that his wife was alive. Then, finally he heard some news. His phone rang, displaying an unknown number, and immediately Hank’s mouth went dry. Answering, he tried to keep his voice steady. The conversation that followed was what he had been dreading for days. A search and rescue team had been deployed, and rescued any surviving members of Maria’s team from the insurgents who had invaded and held them hostage. Among the survivors were the dead; their bodies displayed as trophies for all to see. The mental imagery alone made him sick to his stomach.
Hank was instructed to arrive at the military base he had last seen Maria fly out of. There, he had a meeting with the base’s coroner in the private meeting room, where he was informed told Maria was one of the victims; she put her own life and safety in harm’s way to protect the others, defying those who challenged her.
And this is where he is now. On the bathroom floor, weeping for his wife whose life had been taken in cold blood, while the blood from his hand was pooling on the floor. At first he wanted to find those responsible and give them a taste of their own medicine; make them pay for what they did. But, he was only one man against many, and anger and vengeance is what Maria had tried so hard to fight against. This is not what she would have wanted. Maria was a humanitarian, she wanted to help others in need, but it took her life; a sacrifice that was deemed necessary to be made. Hank pondered this a little further, and he came to one conclusion; he would continue his work in the same spirit that Maria led her life, but he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, let others close to him become a casualty. He would make sure of that.